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My Mother's Book She has a website about her book, A Land of
Multiplers ! Take a look! When Nicole was young she
hated math. Ohhhh, she (we) hated it. Many years
(yes..years!) were spent on flash cards and I silently suffered
along. I didn't know my times tables either and still don't.
I know what 6 times 6 is. And 4 times 4. I don't know the answer to
7 times 8 without a calculator but Nicole didn't believe me.
Feel free to post the answer, lol. My point is Nicole was
unable to make friends with numbers but she made friends with
everything and everybody. I don't care that I can't add, subtract
or divide. She cared and it bothered her all her life. When she
died, she didn't even have a checking account "because it was too
complicated"....
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Nicole's leftovers
Nicole: "Mom. Mom. MOM!"Me: "Nicole, what?"Nicole:
"MOM, you ate my leftover chinese food!"Me: "Nicole, that was
a week ago...and I ate it immediately because I knew you wouldn't
eat it."Nicole: "Mom. Mom. MOM! I was going to eat
it!"My daughter loved her leftovers but had no sense of
passing time. Leftovers in the fridge turned to penicillin
unless you 1.) threw it away 2.) ate it. A month would pass and she
would suddenly say - "Where is that burger from Red Robin?"
WHAT???? I mean hello? I hope...GONE?If she didn't eat
it, I would (of course I would- I paid for it!) and she'd get mad.
(and I'd think gee...you're being a brat!) Just because
Nicole is gone does not mean she has acquired Sainthood. I have not
put her on a...
Free giveaway coming soon!
In the next day or two I will post a picture of a free giveaway
(yes, orange is our color!) for my bloggy readers. The only rule I
have for the giveaway: You must be
an active blogger or an active commenter. We know
what "active" means, no need to define. =) What am I giving
away? Before Nicole died, she designed the cutest thang
to promote a cure for Multiple Sclerosis. More on this
later. =) Yes I will ship across the pond. No worries...!
frak, frak, and frak
I was driving back from the grocery store this morning
and when the stop sign appeared I momentarily wondered
what would happen if I simply plowed through without
stopping. Would I enter the tunnel of light and see my
daughter? I wanted to see her. Really...wanted to. Of
course I don't try. It is not my way. I have a son, he
needs me and I need him. I have Alex.I am not here to
destroy their lives it is a thought I had. I am not
suicidal at all so don't go into a panic. Frak. It's the only way
to see her, by dying myself I guess. I hope I live as long as my
son needs me because his sister is gone. ANDI simply can't believe
this. A friend who is a little younger than Nicole
bought my parent's store a few yea...
Things I think about when no one is looking at my brain
Kissing appears weird when Barbie kisses Ken. So does
watching Leave it to Beaver and seeing that June and Ward Cleaver
sleep in separate beds. I mean how did Wally and Beaver
arrive? Did June visit Ward or did Ward visit June? Okay,
it's plain weird to see on tv. America's Funniest Home Videos isn't
funny most of the time. Have you noticed how many people are
injured during the making of those videos? Why does
the person behind the camera keep going instead of
stopping to help? I flinch when it's on and quickly change
the channel. Every morning at injection time it feels like I'm on
an Easter Egg hunt while Alex readies the Copaxone injection. Oh
where, oh where, shall the needle go? Shall it go over
there...or here...or not...
The thin veil
When you lose a child, there is a feeling of disconnect with the
rest of the world that never leaves. A thin veil or membrane
is between myself and the world at large it seems. I try to
penetrate but I can't. As thin as it is, it is suffocating.It is
there. And it will never leave my world. Like it or not, it is now
part of me. Families laugh. Families fight. Families love. Familes
hate too, I guess but generally speaking they celebrate Labor Day
with their families. They celebrate milestones. They complain about
the way potato salad is made. "You made it without mustard."
"You made it with mustard." "You made it without sour
cream." "You made it with sour cream." "You made it
with dill pickles." "You made it with sweet pickles."I miss
all the...fussing.I...